You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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