I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
