i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
