My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You don't make any sense
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