"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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