i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
