if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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