My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
