i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
