Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
