U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you had me at cake vodka
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
