i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
