Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
