she smelled like a LAN party
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
