he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
