I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
