Have you finally orgasmed yet?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
