I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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