So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
