Im at strip club and am horny
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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