If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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