see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
