now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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