YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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