I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
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We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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