I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize