Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
