walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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