We got so high we made milksteak
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
