i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I lost the right to judge tonight
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
