The maid of honor just puked.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
