I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
