I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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