I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
