And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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