I want to walk on stilts...naked
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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