Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
