Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
