did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
