Non-Jews are for practice
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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