@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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