Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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