don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
