You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
