Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
