is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
