I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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