I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
