i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize