If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
