I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
