u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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