There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
