Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
