my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
