Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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