he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
