I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
50% drunk capacity currently
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
