whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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