Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Randomize
