i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
