I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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