Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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