Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
